I’ve been trying to write a new blog for the last several days, but the words haven’t been coming out quite right. If this were paper, I’d have a garbage can full of wadded up pieces of paper.
But it isn’t, so I kept opening – and not saving – Word documents.
I’ve been in a wicked funk the few weeks and it doesn’t seem to be just one thing at the core of this, more like several.
Part of it is changing careers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited at the prospect, but I’m at the start of making this change and it’s not going as fast as I want. Everything happens in due time, but patience isn’t one of my virtues.
I’m not getting any younger, if I would’ve had more faith in myself when I was younger, I’d be loving what I do, not dreading going to a job. But I’m not too old to change up what I do for a living.
Part of it is my weight. I’ve been at my job since last June and I’ve put on 15 pounds. Holy shitballs. I never step on a scale needlessly, but I had to when I had my concussion. I’d say the weight gain is a not-so-healthy brew of stress, hormones and eating (I admit, it could use some tweaks).
Another part – and you might think this is strange – is that the cosplay costumes I started a few months are almost done, Okay, correction, one is done, the other is almost done, it’s on its finishing touches.
You’re probably wondering why the last one would be leave me in a funk. For me, the creative process is exhilarating, it’s the fun part. The end product? Meh. It’s done, there’s nothing left to do.
For the last three months, my living room has been chaos. I moved two dining room chairs from my living room to put my sewing machine on one and accessories on the other. Half of the sofa had pattern pieces on it, another chair had pattern pieces on it and one corner of the living had a pile of fabric and sunglasses and wigs and a bunch of other crap bunched up in it.
Now, the floor is clear. The patterns are put away. The accessories are in boxes. The chairs are back in the dining room.
In other words, it doesn’t look like a tornado just blew through my apartment. But I do kinda miss the chaos just a little, because it means this is coming to an end. It actually feels a little sad.
I know I need to bring myself out of this, so last week during lunch at work, I made a list of what I can do next and a few things popped up.
One, finish the book cover. I had this on my list of to-dos, but once I realized how behind I was on the cosplay costumes, I went into panic mode and just focused on the costumes.
Two, explore another cosplay for Crypticon, a horror convention. Last year I went as Svengoolie and I might just again, but if I get bored at some point between now and October, I’ll put together another character.
Three, write a book. Why not? I have an idea in my head that’s been floating in my head for quite a while. It’s time to put in on paper and see what happens and how, or if, it gels. Might not work as a book, the story might fall apart, but if I don’t write it down, I won’t know. Even if it’s not published, I want to say I’ve done it.
Four, fitness. It’s not only good for the body, it’s good for the mind. A good ass-kicking workout is not only calming, it puts things in perspective.
The funk will pass, I know it will, I just want it be gone NOW. Like I said earlier, patience isn’t one of my virtues.