I moved as I was ready for a change, and I wanted to be closer to family after the death of my mom a year earlier. But I wasn’t here for more than a day when I realized what I’d done was a mistake. I kicked myself sideways and back again for making the move. I was such a dumbass and this was another dumbass mistake in a long line of dumbass mistakes.
The last decade felt like one dumb mistake after another. Mostly in jobs, as so little gelled, I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong. For the last two years, my career goal was to go back to IT (computer stuff), but despite the number of resumes I sent out, I couldn’t get a bite, get anyone to express interest in me as a tech person again. I’d gone to tech school, but took a wicked, and very unplanned, detour. In hindsight, leaving IT was another mistake, one of the biggest I’d made. Made me wonder if it was me, not my choices, that was the biggest mistake.
I was lucky to have a place to live in this frozen tundra. My sister squared it away for me. My brother-in-law’s aunt’s house was open and it seemed like a good deal. At first. No one bothered to explain how ridiculously expensive the utilities would be, and how people come over unexpectedly and for no good reason. And as time went on, my sister started getting bitchy with me. That was nothing new; it’s happened more often than not, I had just thought it would change after mom’s death. It didn’t.
In May, I found a nice place about a half an hour away from the house. Not far enough away from that place, but it’s good for now.
And in August I applied for an IT job at small company. I interviewed, got an offer, and started there in September. Decent co-workers, smartass of a boss. There’s opportunity to learn different tech. It works. I really like it. I feel damn lucky I found it.
Now that things were feeling more stable, it was time to tackle my health, which had slid into an unhealthy abyss. I went in for my annual in November and my doctor wants me on cholesterol-lowering meds. Problem with that is I don’t want to be on cholesterol-lowering meds.
I’m cleaning up my food intake. Don’t get me wrong, I will still cheat, but just once a week, the rest of the week, it’s clean and healthy. My weightlifting routine is getting back on track, I need to add more cardio and some yoga to the mix, and commit to exercise six days a week.
What I’ve come to understand about my moving back to this tundra is that this isn’t my forever home, but this is where I need to be to prepare for moving to my forever home and advancing my career. It won’t be for many years down the road, but the pieces are in place, and knowing that, feeling that, takes an enormous weight off my shoulders. So here I am, for the first time in many years, looking at the New Year with optimism.
What at the beginning of 2019 felt like a huge mistake, turned out to be exactly what I needed, but I didn’t realize at the time. In 2018, I thought the move would be a good move, a fresh start, a chance to start over. It end up being so, but it took several months for it to actually happen. I had to make the move to jump start not only my career, but my life.
Every day I wake up and thank God for everything I'm being blessed with. So much has changed and so much is changing. I truly am excited for the possibilities of 2020.
Happy New Year.